more, dammit

breaks off midword and jumps into another paragraph. i don't notice because i don't touchtype on ipadkeyboard, tho i maintain its possible. i thumb type. poorly. and rarely look up.

and then, sometimes i hit a button and post or delete or insert invalid html. so it's a frustrating, incomplete mess that looks like a lunatics writing. add in my crusade for "mobile english" -- no caps or apostrophesbecause you haveto click tocallthem up -- argh. but no way i'll do pgysical journals again. if i had them now, all since 14, i'd have 36 yrars of poems sketches puzzles complaints rages insights occasional luminous passages patterns dreams reading snippets of dharma fears experime ts and so on. i estimate around 300 or more filled journals. wherewould i put them?

tho i planned to do something with the ones from sinisa to sin's death and the aftermath. i wanted to type up thetouching, deep, insaneonehegaveme. theone where he warned me andi never saw. i reread itmany times. then manny pointed it out: "traffic. attention" and some more like that. he was telling me. i didn't hear. all the fucking shit i catch, hear, see, sense -- but that i missed. this thinking can drive me mad and bring me to endless, senseless guilt. which boils down to: i should have known more than i did.

useless line of thought. you know what you knwo, and if ignorajce and blindness lead to tragedy, so they do -- shit, was that baron eho just whizzed by on a bike? not sure. only seen him twice. i'll wander over and see...whats to see.


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